This Is Horror review!

There are a few publications that I’ve secretly yearned to be featured in, This Is Horror is one, and today my yearning is over! A rather excellent review of new book, DON’T SMELL THE FLOWERS! THEY WANT TO STEAL YOUR BONES!

‘Bradshaw’s descriptions are disturbing and high-definition gruesome. It is a perfect blend of comedy and horror, a perfect example of the author’s GoreCom brand.’

Book Review: Don’t Smell The Flowers! They Want To Steal Your Bones! by Duncan P. Bradshaw

First review in for, DON’T SMELL THE FLOWERS! THEY WANT TO STEAL YOUR BONES!

Ahhh, I love getting that first review in for a book. That’s a lie. I HATE it, at this point in the process I’m convinced it’s a pile of utter garbage, so am extremely lucky that people who have read it think otherwise. Jim over at the Ginger Nuts of Horror posted this up this morning. Day. Made.

https://gingernutsofhorror.com/fiction-reviews/dont-smell-the-flowers-they-want-to-steal-your-bones-by-duncan-p-bradshaw-book-review

More!

Yes. More books. At the moment, I’m currently waiting on my artist of choice to get time to start work on the cover of, CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’VE ACCIDENTALLY SUMMONED A WORLD-ENDING MONSTER. WHAT NOW? The interior is formatted and ready to go, so I’m gonna give it a few more months before moving onto someone else.

DON’T SMELL THE FLOWERS! THEY WANT TO STEAL YOUR BONES! is being read through one last time (via physical proof). If I’m being honest, I hate this bit. By now, I’ve read it through so many times that I’m annoyed by it, but this last read through is key to catch any obvious formatting errors, typos, or bits that just don’t read properly. Then, I’m off to Charlton in the next few weeks to get some pictures of the real-life places that inspired parts of the book, and then I’m done.

I’ve just finished the fourth draft of serious-as-a-heart-attack novella, AND THE NIGHT DID CLAIM THEM. I’ve sent it off to the wife to see what she reckons and her opinions will shape whether it needs more work (and the scale of it) or if it’s good enough to go off to my illustrious editor so she can work her magic. I like it, it’s something completely different for me, and I hope it’s okay.

My plan was to get these three sorted and then have a break. Been doing this for over five years now and whilst I enjoy it, it takes up a lot of my time. The cash that gets sunk into each book means that I’m lucky to break even on anything (only two books out of my catalogue so far), and that it’s a lot like pissing into the wind. I figured a break away from it for a few weeks/months would let me know if it’s something I enjoy enough to get past these things. Anyway…I just read Chuck Palahniuk’s ‘on writing’ book, CONSIDER THIS, and it’s given me an idea. I’ve started work on something new, called, BECALMED which is about the descent into madness, done in a weird way, but loosely based on a time of my life which was super-fun.

Not.

So yeah. I’m going to now finish all of these four books and then take a break, hopefully in time for my holiday to America in October, dependent on the Coronavirus being under control of course. I’m off, take care of everyone and don’t hoard stuff, life shouldn’t be about that, help peeps, okay?

Dunk

Don’t Smell The Flowers! They Want To Steal Your Bones!

Yes, the next book I’m putting out will be, DON’T SMELL THE FLOWERS! THEY WANT TO STEAL YOUR BONES! To be honest, I have three books in various stages of completeness, and this one is the closest to completion, as the cover has been turned around super-quick by Matthew Revert (who did the MR SUCKY cover). Speaking of the cover, here it is:


So what it’s about? Here’s the synopsis:

The sleepy village of Charlton is under assault. Not from crazies, zombies or radioactively enhanced mutants, but from locally grown flowers. These devilish orchids lure people in with their favourite smell, before rendering them unconscious, just so they can pilfer a piece of the victim’s skeleton.

As doctors and paramedics are pushed to breaking point, it’s down to scantily clad detective, Harry Surge, to root out who’s behind this unconventional attack. To nip this in the bud, Harry is going to have to call in old favours, investigate the history of the village, leave no leaf unturned, and commandeer as many different vehicles as he can get away with. Even ones he doesn’t know how to spell.

Brace yourself for a peculiar hike through rural England, bring a packed lunch if you get peckish, but whatever you do, DON’T SMELL THE FLOWERS! Cos, ya know, THEY WANT TO STEAL YOUR BONES!

Both versions of the book (Kindle and paperback) are up for pre-order now on Amazon. As an incentive, the Kindle pre-orders will be a mere 99p/cents until a week after launch, where they’ll go back up to the usual price of £1.99 and $2.99.

However…as per normal, the physical book will have more stuff in it. As it’s set in the very real village of Charlton (I lived there for a few years in my early teens), I’ll be writing a little bit on some of the real-life locations that I used, along with pictures so you can get a glimpse of where I grew up. In addition, I’ll also be including the unedited middle chapter where the story was going to take a very different path. I’m a strong believer in giving people who pick up the more expensive physical book a little something extra for their investment, so I hope it’s worth it for those of you who prefer it.

The book is out on Friday 1st May, and you can pre-order the Kindle HERE for the UK and HERE for the US.

Take it easy

Dunk

Writing update…

Hello! I finished up the first draft yesterday of new book, AND THE NIGHT DID CLAIM THEM, it’s clocked in at 27k but will go over the 30k mark with the next few rounds of edits. Why? Well, some sections were written in broader strokes than others so will get filled out when I go back. Plus…the way I write is that I don’t plot at all, so I need to remove repetitive story beats, flesh out characters and make the monster more of a thing.

I’m gonna let it sit for a bit as I’ve got a couple of housekeeping things to do on older projects. First up is chopping up and formatting, CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’VE ACCIDENTALLY SUMMONED A WORLD-ENDING MONSTER, WHAT NOW? It’s a choose your own adventure style book, so want to stylise each section and shuffle it all about, ahead of getting the cover artist onboard. Got someone in mind, just waiting for them to be free.

Then I’m going to go through my editor’s notes on, DON’T SMELL THE FLOWERS! THEY WANT TO STEAL YOUR BONES! With them both moved on, I can get back to the brand new book with a clear head and sort it out.

DLS Reviews tackles the pesky Cannibal Nuns from Outer Space!

One review I always keep an eye out for when I release a book, is that by DLS Reviews, or Chris Hall to give his earthly name away. I’ve spoken to him before about the effort and attention to detail he puts into each one, and it’s on par with most writer’s planning. So here is his review for Cannibal Nuns from Outer Space! which even dissects all seven fake movie trailers, both alternate endings, the deleted scenes and Director’s Commentary. Mild spoilers abound if you haven’t read the book already. But you have though, haven’t you? Click HERE.

So what next?

I knocked up a blog post to run through what I go through post-book release, and trying to work out what the hell I’m going to start work on next. Also…finally decided what to do with those unfinished books of mine, read my witterings HERE.

 

 

It’s Done…FINALLY

I started writing DON’T SMELL THE FLOWERS! THEY WANT TO STEAL YOUR BONES, just over a year ago. I’ve just finished the edits on the fifth draft of it now. It’s just been emailed across to my wonderful editor, and I feel two things…relieved and knackered. Never taken so long to finish something off and I’m glad it is done. What now? Finish up the formatting for a book by a couple of chums, then one of two things. Always wanted to write a screenplay, and have MR SUCKY in mind as being the first. But I also have another project in mind, which has to be finished by next year. My oft-delayed Roll With It book.

Right, I’m off to engage in exercise, and then drinking. Toodles.