Don’t Smell The Flowers! They Want To Steal Your Bones!

Yes, the next book I’m putting out will be, DON’T SMELL THE FLOWERS! THEY WANT TO STEAL YOUR BONES! To be honest, I have three books in various stages of completeness, and this one is the closest to completion, as the cover has been turned around super-quick by Matthew Revert (who did the MR SUCKY cover). Speaking of the cover, here it is:

So what it’s about? Here’s the synopsis:

The sleepy village of Charlton is under assault. Not from crazies, zombies or radioactively enhanced mutants, but from locally grown flowers. These devilish orchids lure people in with their favourite smell, before rendering them unconscious, just so they can pilfer a piece of the victim’s skeleton.

As doctors and paramedics are pushed to breaking point, it’s down to scantily clad detective, Harry Surge, to root out who’s behind this unconventional attack. To nip this in the bud, Harry is going to have to call in old favours, investigate the history of the village, leave no leaf unturned, and commandeer as many different vehicles as he can get away with. Even ones he doesn’t know how to spell.

Brace yourself for a peculiar hike through rural England, bring a packed lunch if you get peckish, but whatever you do, DON’T SMELL THE FLOWERS! Cos, ya know, THEY WANT TO STEAL YOUR BONES!

Both versions of the book (Kindle and paperback) are up for pre-order now on Amazon. As an incentive, the Kindle pre-orders will be a mere 99p/cents until a week after launch, where they’ll go back up to the usual price of £1.99 and $2.99.

However…as per normal, the physical book will have more stuff in it. As it’s set in the very real village of Charlton (I lived there for a few years in my early teens), I’ll be writing a little bit on some of the real-life locations that I used, along with pictures so you can get a glimpse of where I grew up. In addition, I’ll also be including the unedited middle chapter where the story was going to take a very different path. I’m a strong believer in giving people who pick up the more expensive physical book a little something extra for their investment, so I hope it’s worth it for those of you who prefer it.

The book is out on Friday 1st May, and you can pre-order the Kindle HERE for the UK and HERE for the US.

Take it easy


Writing update…

Hello! I finished up the first draft yesterday of new book, AND THE NIGHT DID CLAIM THEM, it’s clocked in at 27k but will go over the 30k mark with the next few rounds of edits. Why? Well, some sections were written in broader strokes than others so will get filled out when I go back. Plus…the way I write is that I don’t plot at all, so I need to remove repetitive story beats, flesh out characters and make the monster more of a thing.

I’m gonna let it sit for a bit as I’ve got a couple of housekeeping things to do on older projects. First up is chopping up and formatting, CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’VE ACCIDENTALLY SUMMONED A WORLD-ENDING MONSTER, WHAT NOW? It’s a choose your own adventure style book, so want to stylise each section and shuffle it all about, ahead of getting the cover artist onboard. Got someone in mind, just waiting for them to be free.

Then I’m going to go through my editor’s notes on, DON’T SMELL THE FLOWERS! THEY WANT TO STEAL YOUR BONES! With them both moved on, I can get back to the brand new book with a clear head and sort it out.

DLS Reviews tackles the pesky Cannibal Nuns from Outer Space!

One review I always keep an eye out for when I release a book, is that by DLS Reviews, or Chris Hall to give his earthly name away. I’ve spoken to him before about the effort and attention to detail he puts into each one, and it’s on par with most writer’s planning. So here is his review for Cannibal Nuns from Outer Space! which even dissects all seven fake movie trailers, both alternate endings, the deleted scenes and Director’s Commentary. Mild spoilers abound if you haven’t read the book already. But you have though, haven’t you? Click HERE.


I started writing DON’T SMELL THE FLOWERS! THEY WANT TO STEAL YOUR BONES, just over a year ago. I’ve just finished the edits on the fifth draft of it now. It’s just been emailed across to my wonderful editor, and I feel two things…relieved and knackered. Never taken so long to finish something off and I’m glad it is done. What now? Finish up the formatting for a book by a couple of chums, then one of two things. Always wanted to write a screenplay, and have MR SUCKY in mind as being the first. But I also have another project in mind, which has to be finished by next year. My oft-delayed Roll With It book.

Right, I’m off to engage in exercise, and then drinking. Toodles.

Cannibal Nuns are finally here!

A little over two years ago, I started work on a silly b-movie style book called, CANNIBAL NUNS FROM OUTER SPACE! and today it’s finally out in the world. Really pleased with how it turned out, though a little unsure as to how I can top the hype that’s surrounded it. Anyway, here’s an excellent spoiler-free review of it, and…an article listing five influences on the book itself. Thank you to everyone who’s picked this up, I appreciate it.

Edge Lit and Cannibal Nuns

One writing event that I love attending is Edge Lit, in Derby. Organised by Alex Davis, it was one of the first events I went to and I always try to go. This year, I’ll be launching my upcoming bizarro/horror/comedy novel, CANNIBAL NUNS FROM OUTER SPACE! Anthony Watson got his mitts on an early copy and wrote this rather nifty review. If you are going to EL, I’ll be performing a slice of bizarro weirdness at midday too. Read the review right HERE.

‘CNfOS is yet another triumph for Mr Bradshaw. If you can’t find anything to entertain you within its pages then you’re either dead or – worse – Jacob Rees Mogg.’

First review for Cannibal Nuns from Outer Space! is in…

Hello! I’m gonna start getting in the habit of posting more on here, even if it’s reviews. Starting off, we have the first review for my upcoming novel, CANNIBAL NUNS FROM OUTER SPACE! from none other than the Ginger Nuts of Horror, premier indie horror website. What did head honcho, Jim McLeod make of it, given his aversion to nuns?

Mr Sucky saw Bradshaw rise from being a great writer to the heady heights of a must-read author.  But what is an author to do after producing not only a career-defining novel but a genre-defining novel?  I’ll tell what, he says ‘hold my beer, I’m going in for the kill.’

Read the full thing HERE! Big thanks to Jim for reading and reviewing, only a month or so now until the hungry nuns are landing for their annual harvest. Have you pre-ordered your copy yet?